Baby Adele Mercy

Okay, I know I've avoided talking about Haiti. The truth is, there is just too much to tell. There is one thing, or rather person, that I must mention. Her name is Adele Mercy and she is the little pumpkin you see pictured above. I truly got to witness a miracle in Haiti, something I believe will surely alter the future. I can't say how or why, but there is a special blessing placed on this beautiful baby girl.

I know this to be true simply because of the events that took place in such a short time. Let me first mention my incredible friends, Julia and Matt Anderson. I didn't know them before going to Haiti but we got acquainted real quick. You see, me and Julia are like two peas in a pod.. Two frogs in a bucket, even. We bonded first over fashion (typical) and the rest is history.

On our way to the airport before departing for Haiti, I remember Julia telling me that they didn't have kids but were thinking of adopting in Haiti. We worked in an orphanage (All God's Children Orphanage) the first couple of days and then traveled to a remote village called Thomassique. And by remote, I mean remote.. no running water or toilets.

The following events that took place were such a whirlwind that I'll try my best to retell the story accurately. In Thomassique, this Haitian woman came up to one of our team members, Marci, and let her hold her baby. This wasn't unusual until the mom came back and said in the little English she knew that basically she wanted her to take the baby because the baby was making her crazy. Long story short, Marci placed the baby in Julia's care and Julia and Matt INSTANTLY fell in love. You can't blame them, she is really stinkin' cute, and not to mention sassy. She even peed on me.. but that's another story.

The baby stayed with us that night and at church the next morning everyone was basically going nuts over whether we could take her back to the orphanage with us or not. Believe it or not, but you can't just take a baby, even in Haiti. We were feeling pretty pessimistic that we were going to be able to take her and emotions were running high. One minute everyone was freaking out and the next we were informed that she was going with us. And that's literally how it happened.

Most people would think it cruel and negligent that a mother could just give away her baby like that. But it is truly such a great sacrifice of love, something we don't have to ever consider as an option here in America. She loved that baby and knew in her heart that we would be able to give her a better life than the one she was currently living. All of her family came to say goodbye to her with tears not of sadness, but of joy. 

So little Adele (named by Julia and Matt, but probably mostly Julia) went back to the orphanage with us and is now in the care of a Texan family that live at the orphanage until Matt and Julia are able to complete the adoption process. The way everything came together couldn't be described as anything but ordained by the Lord. His hand in this entire situation has been so evident that there is no doubt in my mind that Adele will be with us soon.

I am asking you, even commissioning you, to pray for this little girl. She has an incredible destiny, a calling on her life and you can be a part of that as I have been so blessed to be. Pray that she will be here and that she will be here soon. Pray that the process will be smooth and quick. Pray that the finances come in, they have 10K to raise in two weeks, 4.5K to the homestudy and 5K to the Haitian lawyer on top of that. Even with these outstanding costs, there is a peace in my heart because I know that my God is bigger than this and that His will is to bring her here safely.

We can already rejoice because one of the biggest obstacles has already been conquered.. Adele's mom signed papers this past weekend to release her into the care of the orphanage and was even able to provide birth certificates for her baby and herself. This is a huge step and one that is usually expected to take the longest. Adele is a baby in the process of being adopted by two of the most amazing people I have been honored to know. Julia is going back May 2nd to do more paperwork and be with Adele. Please pray for strength as they continue on this path which can be rough and gruesome. 

If this story has touched your heart in any way and you desire to be a part of what God is doing in Adele's life then you can donate to this cause. Let me say up front, Matt and Julia did not ask for donations or for anyone to mention the idea, but I know it would bless them immensely if you felt compelled to do so. Thank you for taking the time to read this and thank you for your prayers, they are are so huge in making this happen. Contact me for more details, mj-aguilera@hotmail.com

What it is to worship

God has been wrecking me in ways I never thought possible. Literally, its like being smacked in the face over and over and over again. That is how much God is teaching me. So much, I can hardly keep up, let alone contain it. That's why I'm now sharing just a small bit of what God is revealing to me with you.

As most of you know, I just got back from Haiti. This post isn't necessarily what happened on the trip, but what God has revealed to me as a result from going (I'll be sharing more on Haiti later). I had such an incredible experience, I have learned so much more than I ever imagined was possible in one week. I fully expected God to wreck me, to teach me, and to move in a mighty way. He absolutely did, but in ways that were completely different than I expected (so typical of God), but yet so much better than I could have imagined.

After all God has and is still revealing to me through this, I feel in complete awe of Him. He keeps bringing me back to this place of awe, but each time so much deeper and more intense than the last. At youth group last night during worship, I was just praising God for all He did and was so entirely overwhelmed. I just felt that as I tried to pour myself out to Him and worship Him to the fullest, I found myself incapable, realizing that no matter how hard I try, even with the most genuine heart, I will never be able to worship Him in the way that He deserves, it will never be enough. I just felt like I was going to burst, that I wanted so badly to grasp it but I just couldn't, which merely made me long for Him even more.

As I was thinking over this last night, I realized that I have never wanted to worship God in such an intense way like that ever before, where even in my purist form of worship it wasn't good enough, I still wanted more. I never have realized more how worthy He is of my worship and how incapable I am to ever give that to Him here on earth. But then I realized that that must be what heaven is like, an extreme desire and longing to worship God to the fullest, but there will no longer be any boundaries, you will finally be able to worship Him in the way that He deserves. It will only be striving until then, until we are finally made one with Him, no longer separated by the constraints of this earth. Just thinking about that after desiring to worship Him so much last night makes my soul ache for heaven in a way I can honestly say I have never ached for it before. Only then will we be fully satisfied and God glorified in the highest.

Maybe this is obvious to most of you, and in a way I already know all of this to be true in my head, but perhaps I am finally understanding it in my heart. Although I know I will never give God the worship He deserves, I long all the more for the time when that will no longer be a desire, but my reality. Praise God that though I try to give Him all that I am and fail, He still calls me worthy of Him. He fully knows that we will never be capable of giving all that is due to Him, yet still His desire and love for us remains unchanging. And that is simply why He deserves everything, because this mighty God could possibly love us with a love like that.

I hope this encourages you, excites you, and brings you to a place where you too are in awe of God. And if you aren't there yet, I believe that it is God's desire to bring you to that place and He won't relent until you see it and taste it for yourself. Dive in and prepare to get wrecked, it's so worth it.

Heart of Hearts

Vulnerability. One word that makes me want to run for hiding. I absolutely loathe it, as you may already know. Even the meaning of the word brings no consolation; susceptible to being wounded or hurt. Does anyone really desire that? But as I grow and mature, I realize how crucial this idea is. Without it, we merely dream, hope of what may be. Without being vulnerable, we never allow ourselves to become the best version of ourselves possible. We become stuck, stagnant, cold.

There was a time in my life that I feared this so much so that I allowed my heart to become just that; lifeless and hard. I didn't want to let anyone in and tried to combat my problems entirely alone. I believe this comes out of pride and insecurities. I was too proud to allow anyone else to help me when I was weak and too afraid that when someone would see me for who I am that they would walk away. I've experienced plenty of the latter and I believe whether you show your heart or fake it, people will still walk away.

I thought it would be easier to be numb than to feel any hurt at all. I put up this facade that I was easy going and light hearted, that all I really cared about was having a laugh and being that 'cool' and 'fun' girl. Turns out people don't respect you as much when you aren't genuine. Honestly, I don't know what happened next, but if you've ever tried suppressing all of your emotions for a long time, you come to a breaking point where you can't hold it in any longer. I cracked. It has been a battle everyday since to be vulnerable enough to make a difference in people's lives but also to guard my heart while doing so.

Every time I allow myself to be vulnerable in the right way and at the right time, I see the way people relate to me, connect to me. It's as if we both realize our humanness, our flaws, our fears and yet it is perfectly acceptable. Vulnerability is a beautiful thing. As I write these words, I'm being vulnerable and allowing room for failure, for judgment, and yet, I'm not afraid. The most beautiful people I know are those who are willing to be open and honest. These are the ones with the confidence (not to be confused with arrogance) to chase after those dreams which seem impossible, unobtainable. These are the people that make a difference in this world.

As C.S. Lewis wrote:

"To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything and your heart will certainly be wronged and possible broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it up carefully around with hobbies and little luxuries. Avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, aimless, it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irreedemable."

Couldn't have said it better myself, Mr. Lewis. I'm certain you could live for a long time masking the depths of your heart, but you will never truly love and be loved in the most sincere way. To love is to impact the world, if not by love, how will you leave your mark?

Good News

I'm so excited to tell everyone my with recent news! Like I said before, I'm not going to be returning to YWAM just yet, so since then I've been persistent in asking the Lord what He has for me now and to open my eyes to new opportunities. Very soon after that, I received a call from the parents of two of my good friends informing me that they were taking a team to Haiti on a missions trip and were praying about who to take and decided to ask me. It literally couldn't have been better timing. Since then, everything has happened so fast and has been so smooth and I'll be going to Haiti March 22 through March 30! I know it's just a short missions trip but there is no doubt in my mind that God is going to rock my world and all those that are a part of my team. I feel so blessed to be a part of this and to be able to lay down myself for nine days and allow the Lord to do His work through us.

I feel very strongly that the Lord has given us the verse John 14:12, "I (Jesus) tell you the truth, anyone who has faith in me will do what I have been doing. He will do even greater things than these, because I am going to the Father." I feel like God wants to see a mighty work done in Haiti, things that you don't normally see, the impossible to become a reality. All it takes is our faithfulness to Him and to His people and I believe we will see this come to pass.

What we will be doing:

1.  Build a roof on a school building (which needs to be completed before the upcoming rainy season) – the K-12 school has 1,500 students with only two small buildings 
2. Work to restore the security wall around the orphanage that was damaged during the January 2010 earthquake 
3. Help our team dentist with dental work on the Haitian children 
4. Host a basketball clinic and tournament to bring joy and hope to the children and young people of Haiti 
5. Host a seminar for schoolteachers, as they have little or no formal training 
6. Spend time loving and helping the children and staff at the orphanage

I don't know who is reading this, but I would like to be bold and ask you for your support in two ways, by prayer and by donation if possible. I don't want you to think that this is about me in any way, this is way above me and anything I can or will be doing, but completely about God and those people we will be ministering to. If you would like to support us in these ways, thank you for blessing us and being a part of what God is doing in Haiti. If you desire to support financially, you can make checks out to: 

Cherry Hills Community Church (or CHCC)
Write "DTW - Haiti" in the memo line of the check
And mail it to my home address:
Mary Jo Aguilera
9618 South Townsville Circle
Littleton, Colorado 80130

Thank you again for taking the time to read this! If you have any questions email me at mj-aguilera@hotmail.com

First Love

This is about to get real, people.

Like I said before, I'm going to take a step out of my comfort zone and be vulnerable, share personally what God is doing in my life and what I think He would want me to share with all of you. So I guess you should know that God has totally wrecked me recently. Some of you know, others don't, but I was planning on returning to YWAM (Youth With a Mission) this April to staff the PhotogenX DTS. That's kind of my dream; traveling (missions) and photography, so I was really looking forward to it. But it started to approach quite quickly and I still hadn't heard back from them as to whether I was accepted or not. So of course I started to stress and worry like I so love to do. When I get an idea in my mind, I'm very persistent and diligent in seeing it come to pass, so much so that I put a lot of pressure on myself and if it doesn't work out I feel like I've failed miserably.

I suppose you should all know now that one of my faults is perfectionism. If you suffer from this, its a terrible burden. I am my own worst and hardest critic. So like I said, I put a lot of pressure on myself to make sure this would happen, especially because I had already begun to tell people that I was going back and there was no way I would allow people to think of me as fickle and indecisive.  I finally came to a point where I simply couldn't handle the pressure any longer and I just cracked. And yet I'm so glad that I did. God started to reveal things to me as I began to open up. I realized that because I'm a perfectionist, I feel that I have to do something HUGE in order to benefit the Kingdom of God. I become so discontent in the mundane things of everyday life and instead of finding God in those days, I surpass them thinking something greater is to come. But here's the great thing about God, He loves to use the simple things to bring glory to Himself. God convicted me of thinking being here was 'beneath me' or not good enough. And even more so, God convicted me of being so entirely concerned with what I was doing in order to serve Him, that I looked past God Himself entirely. What a tragedy, that I could forget the very One who gives me purpose and gives me life! How selfish and prideful! But after revealing my wrong doings, He brought me back again to Himself, drawing me even nearer to Him. Because that is what it's about, never what I'm doing, in fact, it has NOTHING to do with me at all. It's all about God, it's all about relationship with Him, intimacy with Him. And again He reminded me that out of right relationship with Him, everything else will flow and "work together for good to those who love God, to them that are called according to His purpose" (Romans 8:28).
 

So needless to say, I'm not going to YWAM this time around, but that doesn't mean I'll never go back, there are always opportunities for that. I'm taking a step of faith and seeing what God has for me here and now, day to day. I trust Him and I know that He'll use me wherever I am in my life as long as I never forget my first love.

Again, if you have any inquiries, you can ask anonymously on my formspring.

Here I am

If you're reading this, I really appreciate it. I was a bit hesitant in starting this blog, but I feel compelled to do so even if I come off as a fool. The thing is, I have thoughts (crazy, I know). Sometimes these thoughts just can't be contained, yet there has never been an outlet other than my dear old journal. But what benefit does a journal have if left on a shelf for ages? It's not that I think that my thoughts are grand or superior, I just believe they're not for me to hoard.

In starting this blog, I hope that one person, just one, may gain a little wisdom, a little truth, a little life. That goes to say that this isn't just for believers, as most of you know I am. I want this to be an open forum for anyone to extract from my brain why I believe what I believe or where I stand on different subjects. This takes a lot of vulnerability on my part, and guess what? I hate being vulnerable. But more than my loathing of vulnerability, I believe it to be of upmost importance to be real and raw, especially being a believer. I enjoy writing, therefor I should write, its as simple as that. I believe the Lord gives us certain desires not to throw away or hide, but to bring to the world. Clearly I'm not the next C.S. Lewis, but if I'm not going to share my thoughts, who is? I believe the time has come to overcome our fears and insecurities and pursue the things that we desire, otherwise our world will be dull and bland. I think you'll be amazed at the life you will start to create in the world around you.

So with that said, if you've read to the end you're incredible. Also, I've started a formspring. If you don't know what that is, it's just a website where you can anonymously ask me questions. So please ask anything your little heart desires and I'll do my best to respond to those questions that you're just itching to ask.