God has been wrecking me in ways I never thought possible. Literally, its like being smacked in the face over and over and over again. That is how much God is teaching me. So much, I can hardly keep up, let alone contain it. That's why I'm now sharing just a small bit of what God is revealing to me with you.
As most of you know, I just got back from Haiti. This post isn't necessarily what happened on the trip, but what God has revealed to me as a result from going (I'll be sharing more on Haiti later). I had such an incredible experience, I have learned so much more than I ever imagined was possible in one week. I fully expected God to wreck me, to teach me, and to move in a mighty way. He absolutely did, but in ways that were completely different than I expected (so typical of God), but yet so much better than I could have imagined.
After all God has and is still revealing to me through this, I feel in complete awe of Him. He keeps bringing me back to this place of awe, but each time so much deeper and more intense than the last. At youth group last night during worship, I was just praising God for all He did and was so entirely overwhelmed. I just felt that as I tried to pour myself out to Him and worship Him to the fullest, I found myself incapable, realizing that no matter how hard I try, even with the most genuine heart, I will never be able to worship Him in the way that He deserves, it will never be enough. I just felt like I was going to burst, that I wanted so badly to grasp it but I just couldn't, which merely made me long for Him even more.
As I was thinking over this last night, I realized that I have never wanted to worship God in such an intense way like that ever before, where even in my purist form of worship it wasn't good enough, I still wanted more. I never have realized more how worthy He is of my worship and how incapable I am to ever give that to Him here on earth. But then I realized that that must be what heaven is like, an extreme desire and longing to worship God to the fullest, but there will no longer be any boundaries, you will finally be able to worship Him in the way that He deserves. It will only be striving until then, until we are finally made one with Him, no longer separated by the constraints of this earth. Just thinking about that after desiring to worship Him so much last night makes my soul ache for heaven in a way I can honestly say I have never ached for it before. Only then will we be fully satisfied and God glorified in the highest.
Maybe this is obvious to most of you, and in a way I already know all of this to be true in my head, but perhaps I am finally understanding it in my heart. Although I know I will never give God the worship He deserves, I long all the more for the time when that will no longer be a desire, but my reality. Praise God that though I try to give Him all that I am and fail, He still calls me worthy of Him. He fully knows that we will never be capable of giving all that is due to Him, yet still His desire and love for us remains unchanging. And that is simply why He deserves everything, because this mighty God could possibly love us with a love like that.
I hope this encourages you, excites you, and brings you to a place where you too are in awe of God. And if you aren't there yet, I believe that it is God's desire to bring you to that place and He won't relent until you see it and taste it for yourself. Dive in and prepare to get wrecked, it's so worth it.
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